“I am not the same, having seen the moon shine on the other side of the world.” – Mary Anne Radmacher
If you want to know who you are, you sometimes have to leave the comfort zone of your home behind and go look for new colors in the streets of a new city. And no, it doesn't always have to be expensive, and no, you don't have to travel across the world, sometimes just waking up to a different sky, tasting a different life and breathing in different air is enough.
The last week it was finally my turn again to hit the road! The travel route:
Basel => Vienna => Warsaw => Prague => Basel
We arrived in Vienna in the morning after a bumpy 12 hours bus ride where we were able to get quite a good portion of sleep. We stayed in a little apartment right across the street from the Vienna opera house and after a nice big breakfast at the Cafe Mozart we were ready to take the city by storm. We had two days so we grabbed the Camera and off we went. It is crazy how much you can see in 48 hours! We went from the St. Stephen's Cathedral to Schloss Schoenbrunn and even made it all the way to the Prater for a ride on a rollercoaster where we unfortunately picked a ride with water involved and even though that happens "only like to one out of hundreds of people" my friend got splashed and completely soaking wet - it followed an a little awkward subway ride back to the hotel where we drowned that traumatic experience in a wide selection of cake (because you can't go to Vienna without eating tons of cake).
The next morning it was time for a fairly "short" 10 hour bus ride over to Warsaw where we arrived at night - it was dark and freezing and raining which couldn't stop us from finding a sushi place close to our apartment - which turned out to be the best sushi we both had ever had. It always surprises me how tired you get after a day of traveling - what is it that makes you so tired? The sitting around? Or the 10 naps you took? Whatever it might be, we fell into our beds, our bellies filled with sushi and blacked out.
The next day was the day our entire trip had been planned around (or because of, for that matter): It was Tokio Hotel Concert day!
After an amazing breakfast at a tiny local cafe we headed over to the venue for our VIP Package Meet and Greet. I don't want to go into details here (but I also can't just leave it undiscussed) but it was a quite exciting experience to finally come face to face with those heroic figures of my youth (see last weeks blog post for more details on this topic!). It is quite interesting how difficult the smallest things (like simply standing up straight) can be, when meeting someone who has been somewhat of an idol to you - they mean so much to you and for about 10 seconds they are aware of your existence! Crazy!
The only other time I got this feeling was when I met my all time opera singer idol and most amazing human being Isabel Leonard for the first time before life decided to tangle up our life lines in the most unexpected way (maybe one day I will tell you that story too).
My heart was already so full by the time the concert started and thanks to the in the VIP package included early entry we ended up front row center stage - completely without waiting in the cold.
Our hearts still filled to the brim with happiness we spend our remaining day in the Old Town of Warsaw. Even though the weather couldn't quite decide what it wanted - 10 minutes of sun were promptly followed by 10 minutes of rain - we didn't let that wreck our mood! Worshipping every sunbeam, Warsaw left us quite mesmerized! Being a city I probably never would've picked as a travel destination, I am glad life found a way to trick me into coming here because it definitely is worth a visit.
It might have been the fact that this time Prague was the destination which I was so incredibly excited to finally visit but on this overnight bus ride, I couldn't sleep at all. It didn't help that we arrived at 6 am, right when I finally started to doze off. Once I sat food on the sacred pavement of this beautiful city, I was wide awake.
I was finally in Kafka's Prague.
There are places you visit for the first time - and yet it feels like coming home. Prague was that for me. Maybe because of Kafka and R.M. Rilke, my two favorite writers of all time; maybe because Wenzel is the patron saint of Prague - and where could I feel more at home as in a city who's guardian angel is the one saint that gave my twin brother (and now also my guardian angel) his name!? --- and maybe because it is simply one of the most beautiful cities in the world.
There I was, getting lost in those streets Kafka used to walk - and in a way that was the second Meet and Greet for me this week! For maybe the closest I can get to Kafka (who, after all, is the reason I am studying literature) is when I am sitting on a bench in "his city" reading the worn down copy of "Der Process" I always carry around with me, wherever I go.
Tomorrow this beautiful trip will come to an end but I these memories will be with me for the rest of my life.
Traveling far away can mean coming home to yourself.
Letting go of the old and living in the moment.
I have been struggling with my bipolar disorder for a long time so naturally being in the moment is close to impossible - or so it seems sometimes. Tokio Hotel has always helped with that struggle, it was during their concerts I experienced truly being in the moment for the first time.
I have to confess that the first couple of days of this trip weren't that easy for me. I was freaking out about what to eat and whether I was going to gain weight while eating a little "different" on the road. I just finished a round of Whole30 successfully and have been doing great with my nutrition so the panic was real and it was quite painful to realize how acute my eating disorder still is, no matter how much I tell myself that I am over it.
Luckily I could count on Tokio Hotel once more. Funnily enough Bill seemed to be talking right at me when he addressed leaving the past be past, letting go of places and people and letting life take you on the journey that's meant for you.
So I let go of people I have been holding so closely to my heart even though they had decided that I am nothing to them, I let go of the idea of a life I thought I had to live, I let go of the feeling that I failed miserably in America and as a singer in general - and I made the conscious decision to open my heart again.
So yes, if you want to learn things about yourself you didn't know yet, you have to go places you've never been and do things you've never done and maybe you won't feel or see the changes right away, but one day you will wake up in the morning and stumble to the bathroom half asleep and when when you look in the mirror you will pause for a heartbeat because you will catch a spark in your eyes you've never seen before - another depth, another color, a new piece to you and your soul and in that moment you will smile because you will realize that you have a treasure inside of you from every place you visited and that those treasures have added layers to your soul that make you experience life so much deeper and on so many more layers than you ever thought would be possible.
HAPPY EASTER EVERYONE!
Love,
Marfa
Post a Comment